I really do have the funniest kid on Earth!!

First, I have to complain a little...my phone won't come on!!!  I hate that I rely on it so much, but I do.  I have almost sent myself into a panic attack because I haven't been able to get it on in a little over an hour.  I have already needed to text a friend about a recipe and add an important date on the calendar.  It just won't turn on...

NOW...on to the funniest kid part!!  I had Parent Teacher conference the other day.  Austin's teacher sent home a sign up sheet and I was just going to go by Cameron's class when I was done.  (BOTH of Cameron's teachers were gone...door locked, lights off!!)  I took a picture of a tree that Austin made that was hanging in the hallway and Miss Carolyn (Austin pronounces it Miss Curlin) gave me a book he had made.  So, when I got home Austin was sitting at the table and the following conversation actually happened:

Me: (shows Austin the book)  Look what I have!!  Who made this?
Austin: I made that!!!
Me: (shows him the picture on MY PHONE) Well, who made this?
Austin: I made that too!!!
Me:  Then, where have I been today?
Austin:  Work!!
Me:  (chuckle) Yes, but where did I get this stuff?
Austin:  At my school?  Did you go to my school?
Me:  Yes!!  I went and talked to your teacher and she was telling me what a good boy you are and how smart you are!!
Austin:  Really?
Me:  Yes, she sure did!
Austin:  That's what I'm talking about!!!!
Me: ...........
Austin:  Yeah, baby!!!  (fist pump)  That is what I am talking about, baby!!!


I looked at his Daddy and I just bust out laughing.  Where does he get it?  He is 4 year old?  I don't know where he gets it.  It was just one of those conversations that has to be remembered.  

Until next time...

Cotton Season and Codependency

We are into week three of cotton season.  Greg has worked the last two weekends so this is week three with no day off for him.  And I have to brag on him a minute.  This man kept the kids all day because Austin threw a HUGE fit to stay home with him and on top of that got three loads of laundry done, two suppers fixed, and did all the dishes, ran errands and was at work for his 3-11 shift.  I sat at the dinner table tonight eating the wonderful food he made and cried thinking about how much I love this man and how lucky we are to have him.

Which brings us to the codependency part.  I am terrible with this.  It is a BIG character defect of mine and cotton season always fairs hard for me in the beginning.  I usually start getting used to it about the time it is over!!  I only get to see my husband on the weekends from the time he gets up until he has to leave for work.  I am not used to it and I don't like it (and yes, I stomped my foot as I wrote that)!!  Austin is probably having the hardest time, though.  They have gotten to see there daddy this week because it is fall break and I have been leaving before Greg wakes up, but I have left the boys for Greg to take to daycare so he can see them for a few hours. I have a feeling next week when we get back to all of us leaving before Greg wakes up that it will be a different story with the boys.  I hope not though...it is hard to tell a 4 year old that his daddy won't be home in time to see him before bed.

Another reason I don't like cotton season is that the fall is always the time for fun, family stuff and we never get to do it.  One of his co-workers usually trade with him on Halloween and he will work the morning shift so he can be off the evening.  This year, our church is having a Trunk or Treat, which I am ecstatic about, and he will be there for that.  There are a couple more church activities I want to do with him, but can't.  They are also showing a screening of The Sandlot at the Auto Zone park one night that we can't do.  Plus, just the fact that fall is by far my favorite season and I don't ever get to enjoy it with my husband stinks!!

I guess I am done whining!! The only other thing is that I don't sleep well without my husband.  Ok, that is really it now!!  On a much lighter note, Monday is my BIRTHDAY!!!  It is also Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day!  So we will be remembering Abby and all her angel friends on this day.  Please join me in lighting candles or doing whatever you want to do to help remember all of our babies that have gone too soon.

Until next time...

Random...

I haven't written in a while and it isn't because I haven't had the time, I just don't have anything standing out that I need to write about.  Usually I will feel something that I need to write.  I will go through every day activities and something will happen and I will make a mental note that I need to put that in my blog.  This time, I have nothing!

I wrote a big long post about the bad luck I have been having, but erased it.  I am usually not one to openly focus on the negative like that.  Plus, I don't want to be a whiner either.  Then I found some more get to know me questions and started answering those, then erased them.  I just thought that maybe it was too soon to do another one of those since I just did one not long ago.

Things have been going ok around here.  I am starting to get back into the swing of things since being back from medical leave.  My endocrinologist has decided to wait to call the surgeon.  I had to do a triple face cat scan on Friday and should get the results on Monday.  Greg is now working seven days a week.  So far he is just 11am - 7pm, but will probably go 3pm - 11pm on Monday.  Austin has bronchitis.  He was out of school until Thursday of this past week and can't play soccer or run at all.  Cameron had a really good soccer game today.  He was goalie for half the game and got a really good save!!  We won 9-3!!

Last Sunday, Dudley got sprayed by a skunk.  Greg had gotten up about 1:30 in the morning and let the dogs out and that is when it happened.  I knew I kept coming to and smelling a skunk, but I just thought it sprayed the house.  NOPE!!!  So, I read several things online and the thing that people mentioned the most was to mix baking soda, peroxide, and dish soap together.  We bathed him in Dawn first then made the mixture.  We also bought the tomato juice too, but Greg ended up drinking it instead of bathing the dog!  Luckily, I don't think he got a direct hit.  The smell was gone later that day.  I had to work that day and when I came back in, I couldn't smell it at all.  Score one for us there.  Now I just want to kill ALL skunks!!  They are just like house flies and mosquitoes...useless!!!

Well, I hate that this post is a little boring and not like the other ones.  Hopefully something will hit me soon where I can come back and write about it.  Thanks for reading!

Until next time.......

Doctors, cotton, and soccer...oh my!!

Just a warning from the top that this might end up being an extremely long post.  I have a lot to catch up on here and some new things to share because I feel like it is finally time. So, we will go in order of the title of the post.  Doctors visits first!!

First, I have to tell you that I got the greatest surprise in the world on Wednesday night.  I came home from work and when I pulled in the driveway my sister and Izzy were standing there!!  I couldn't believe it!!  I just started bawling.  She came down so she could go to my doctor's appointment with me and be at the boy's first game!!  It means so much to me that she was here.

As I have mentioned before, I was off the entire month of July and some of August with never ending kidney stones.  I had three surgeries, one on the left and two on the right, to remove different stones.  During an ER visit for the second episode the ER doc told me that I needed to go see my primary care doctor about a mass the radiologist saw on my adrenal gland during the cat scan.  He said that it wasn't an emergency, but that I should make plans to see him about it pretty quick.  So I did!  There was many blood and urine tests and I had to have an MRI with contrast.  Eventually my doctor came to the conclusion that he didn't think the mass was "completely benign".  He said that it wasn't there last year when I had a cat scan for a kidney stone and based on that and the size, 3 cm, that I needed to go ahead and probably get it removed.  After an adrenal mass grows to 4 cm it is malignant no matter what, just based on size.  It is to my understanding that they don't just grow that big without being cancer.  I was referred to an endocrinologist this past week and long story short, I have to do one more 24 hour urine, call her on Thursday to remind her to look at my lab results and to call the surgeon to set up an appointment with him.  This is all that I know to this point.  I haven't mentioned it on here because I wanted to make sure it was going to have to come out before I started rattling stuff off.  I will post updates from now on regarding this.  The endocrinologist says that it is a major surgery and we are looking at middle October for the date, which brings us to our next topic....cotton!!

I was trying to get all this taken care of before cotton season, but nope!  It is going to happen right smack in the middle of it.  I don't know what we will do.  I don't need to wait until after since the mass has grown so fast over a short amount of time.  I will have my mom, dad, and sister, so that is good.  We will make it one way or the other.  I am feeling like this might be Greg's last weekend off for a while.  During cotton season he will work second shift, 3-11, seven days a week.  I hate it, but it gives us extra money.  Plus, with the boys getting bigger it is a little easier.  Cotton season always makes me grateful for everything Greg does around the house to help me out.  He isn't able to do a lot of it when he works so much and I am pretty much a single mom for a while.  It is always a toss up as to when he starts too.  Just have to wait and see!

Soccer!!!  Both the boys said they wanted to play soccer, so we signed them up!!  The first practice was this past Tuesday night.  I really liked both coaches.  Cameron's team didn't practice though.  His coach isn't able to make it on Tuesday nights, but he is there to coach the games on Saturday.  Austin did really good in practice.  Today was their first game!  I was so excited!!  I bought chairs to leave in the car and we packed a cooler and it was awesome.  Both of their games were at the same time, but luckily the fields were right next to each other so we were able to sit in between and watch both.  All games have two 20 minute halves. Austin's game started a little before Cameron's did.  The coach told them where to stand and Austin would not move!!  Greg walked over there and Austin was crying.  He said that he was scared and that he didn't want to play soccer anymore.  UGH!!!  Really son?  He wouldn't even stand on the field and watch them!  He just cried...the WHOLE game.  I thought if he stayed out there and would just watch them that he would get over it, but nope!  Hopefully next Saturday's game will be better.  Cameron on the other hand did amazing!!!  He has never played soccer in his life and they didn't even practice Tuesday night, so I really thought it was going to be a disaster, but they won!!  Cameron even had a save during his turn at goalie.  He got in there and hustled and played his heart out!  And he is WORN OUT!!!  I was so proud of him I couldn't stand it.  I hope that Austin gets over his fear.  I know he has always been a shy kid in a lot of public situations, but I didn't expect this at all.  The coach told Greg he could stand with him on the field so he did and that didn't help.  Austin just hid behind him.  Oh well, we will try again!

That is pretty much it for right now.  I am thinking about doing another Q&A post.  I really like those.

Until next time.......

Little Lulu-pot

GRIEF AND LOSS SUCK!!!!!

We lost our little Lulu this week (there is a picture of her to the left of this post and my sister posted some great ones of her on my Facebook page).  Wednesday morning she was hit by a car and killed.  Greg buried her.  I had to go to work because it was the end of the month and I cried all day.  I would go for a while with just tears falling and then I would have these horrible crying jags that just take your breath away.  

I was right back where I was the day Abby died....

I was feeling the same things.  I was listening to people tell me the same things.  Some might think I am crazy for saying that it was the same, but they obviously don't understand the love I have for my dogs.  I almost think I love them too much.

Then after that initial shock and intense pain wears off, anger sets in.  I get so mad.  I wonder why Abby and Lulu were given to me if I couldn't enjoy them for longer than I had them.  I had Abby for almost 5 months and Lulu would have been 9 months old this month.  I don't want to say that I would rather not have had them because I will always treasure the time I had with both of them.  It just hurts so damn bad...

My heart physically aches for both of them now.  Time has passed since Abby died.  It will be 6 years since she was taken from me on Sept 23.  Time has made it better, but I don't think it will ever get easier.  For this family everything after the first weekend in September (Cameron's birthday is Sept. 2) just royally stinks.  If it wasn't for the fall season, I would really hate this month.

So, that is it.  There isn't much else to say.  I keep waiting on her to run in here and jump on the bed and start pawing at Brownie wanting her to play.  Or to hear Austin laughing as hard as he can while running back and forth through the house with her.  Austin and Lulu were buddies to the end...luckily, he is taking this better than I thought right now.  I just can't believe she is gone...

Until next time...

Happy Birthday, Cameron!!

I have always wanted to be one of those cool moms that writes everything down in the kid's baby books or writes in a journal for the kids to read later in life.  But, I haven't.  I have had three chances to finish baby books and haven't completely filled out a single one.  Maybe I will get those out and see what I can do.  I decided today that I would get on here and write Cameron a letter.  I have seen on other blogs that I can have my blog printed.  I would love to do that so my children would have something to look back on when they get older.  

Dear Cameron (a.k.a. Buggy),

Happy 9th Birthday, big boy!!  Yesterday, your Nana took us all to Chuck E. Cheese and to get some jeans and a new pair of shoes for school.  You had requested a trip to Chuck E. Cheese, so that is what we did.  After we left there, we stopped at Gigi's Cupcakes so that we could all pick out a cupcake to bring home.  You got a chocolate cupcake with chocolate icing and chocolate chips on top!  I would have been shocked if you had picked something different.

Today, your actual birthday, we went to church and out to eat at the Bald Butcher.  You love the Sunday buffet there.  When we came home you opened presents.  You got some games for the Wii and Nintendo DS and a movie.  It is hard to buy for the kid who has everything.  I know a lot of people say that, but I really mean it!!  Nana came over a little later for a bit and brought a chocolate Avenger's cake and chocolate ice cream.

One day, when you have children of your own, you will see and fully understand how much I love you.  It is a love that only a mother has for her son.   I just want you to know that my love for you is special though.  You have saved my life.  You have continued to give me love and compassion that can come from no other. Your sweet soul constantly reminds me of how special you are.

You were too young to realize what was going on when we lost your sister.  I know that you knew something wasn't right, but I don't think you fully comprehended what.  After she died, I was not the best mom in the world.  I wasn't a bad mom, but I was doing the best I could.  We ate a lot of frozen dinners and peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.  But, I would see you playing or your would come climb up in my lap and that was the best thing in the world.  You have no idea how much that helped me.  You are the one that gave me hope.  You are the one that made me get up and go again.  I don't think anyone or anything could have helped me more than you did.

You have developed such a sweet and caring personality.  You are a giver and you have to make sure that everyone around you is happy.  You are so smart!  Even though I knew it already, all of your teachers were amazed at how smart you are.  I love to watch how you and your brother play.  You are so gentle and kind with him, even when he is being mean to you.  

I hope that you have enjoyed reading this letter as much as I have enjoyed writing to you.  Thank you so much for being the coolest, most kind-hearted person I know.  I still can't believe you are turning 9 though.  You are growing up entirely too fast.  I told you that the other day and you put your hand on my shoulder and said "I'm sorry, Mom.  But I have to grown up some time!"  I love you, Boo!!!

Until next time...

Lucky? Nah, I am BLESSED!!

Today was the first day I had been back to work since July 6.  I actually went back 3 days a couple of weeks ago, but what is three days when I have been off almost two months!?!  I was driving home today and I realized how blessed and grateful I am for the things that I have been given.  Some people hear my "story" and just shake their heads at all the heartache and pain I have had in my life, but they don't see all the great things I have either!

There is a laundry list of things that haven't been great in my life.  I have chronic kidney stones, I have to drive and hour and fifteen minutes one way to work everyday, I lost a child, and I can't afford to move into a house that would not only be bigger, but safer for my family.  I am sure I could think of more, but I really don't want to dwell on the bad stuff!!

Let's look at all the good things!!!!  And yes, I love exclamation points!!!  First and foremost, I have the best husband that anyone could ask for.  This man has taken care of me and the boys and worked at least 40 hours a week since I have been sick.  He has done all the grocery shopping, cooking, cleaning, bathing (dogs and boys), laundry, and worked his day job.  Words will never say how much I appreciate and love this man with all of my heart and soul.  The most important part is that I tell him this, as much as I can, because he deserves it.

I also have an amazing mom and sister.  I can call them anytime with anything and they will always be there.  They have helped make me who I am today and I will always be grateful for that, because I think I am pretty cool!

I have friends that I love dearly.  I know that any one of them would help me with anything, all I would have to do is ask.  One of them I talk to on a daily basis no matter what.  We are always there for each other and always know what the other one is doing.  I really don't know how I lived before I met her.  I have a few that I don't speak to as often but I believe we have an unspoken understanding that we both have extremely busy lives and don't always have the time, but if we need to talk or anything else we pick right back up where we left off.  It is so comforting knowing that I have friends that are there and care.

I have three beautiful children that I would not trade for anything in this world.  Even though we lost Abby, we wouldn't be where we are today had it gone any different.  I am not grateful for her death, but I am grateful for the path she has lead me on since.  I believe it has made me much more patient and understanding in other aspects of my life.  It has made me really remember that you never know what another person is going through in their life and to always consider other people's feelings when dealing with them.

I am grateful for my boss!! (And no, she does not read my blog so I'm not trying to get brownie points!!)  I have worked for a little over three years now for the same company and I have loved every minute of it!  I started off as the secretary at the local clinic here in town and last year was asked to take a promotion to Administrative Assistant at the Regional Office in Memphis.  This was a huge decision since I had it so good where I was!  But, in the end I took the job and really the only bad was that I would have to drive to Memphis everyday and I quickly found that many others do the same thing!  I am so glad that I took this position.  I have formed an awesome relationship with my boss.  We work so well together and I am so grateful for that.  She is so understanding and giving.  It makes all the driving worth my while.

There are so many other things that I am blessed with as well.  This just skims the surface.  I just felt like it was a good day to be blessed and thankful.  Even though I have had rough patches in my life, I am no different from anyone else.  Everyone should find things to be thankful for.  Focus on the things you are blessed with.  Because I promise, no matter what, it will make it better.  It is all a matter of perspective!!  Until next time....