Today was the first day I had been back to work since July 6. I actually went back 3 days a couple of weeks ago, but what is three days when I have been off almost two months!?! I was driving home today and I realized how blessed and grateful I am for the things that I have been given. Some people hear my "story" and just shake their heads at all the heartache and pain I have had in my life, but they don't see all the great things I have either!
There is a laundry list of things that haven't been great in my life. I have chronic kidney stones, I have to drive and hour and fifteen minutes one way to work everyday, I lost a child, and I can't afford to move into a house that would not only be bigger, but safer for my family. I am sure I could think of more, but I really don't want to dwell on the bad stuff!!
Let's look at all the good things!!!! And yes, I love exclamation points!!! First and foremost, I have the best husband that anyone could ask for. This man has taken care of me and the boys and worked at least 40 hours a week since I have been sick. He has done all the grocery shopping, cooking, cleaning, bathing (dogs and boys), laundry, and worked his day job. Words will never say how much I appreciate and love this man with all of my heart and soul. The most important part is that I tell him this, as much as I can, because he deserves it.
I also have an amazing mom and sister. I can call them anytime with anything and they will always be there. They have helped make me who I am today and I will always be grateful for that, because I think I am pretty cool!
I have friends that I love dearly. I know that any one of them would help me with anything, all I would have to do is ask. One of them I talk to on a daily basis no matter what. We are always there for each other and always know what the other one is doing. I really don't know how I lived before I met her. I have a few that I don't speak to as often but I believe we have an unspoken understanding that we both have extremely busy lives and don't always have the time, but if we need to talk or anything else we pick right back up where we left off. It is so comforting knowing that I have friends that are there and care.
I have three beautiful children that I would not trade for anything in this world. Even though we lost Abby, we wouldn't be where we are today had it gone any different. I am not grateful for her death, but I am grateful for the path she has lead me on since. I believe it has made me much more patient and understanding in other aspects of my life. It has made me really remember that you never know what another person is going through in their life and to always consider other people's feelings when dealing with them.
I am grateful for my boss!! (And no, she does not read my blog so I'm not trying to get brownie points!!) I have worked for a little over three years now for the same company and I have loved every minute of it! I started off as the secretary at the local clinic here in town and last year was asked to take a promotion to Administrative Assistant at the Regional Office in Memphis. This was a huge decision since I had it so good where I was! But, in the end I took the job and really the only bad was that I would have to drive to Memphis everyday and I quickly found that many others do the same thing! I am so glad that I took this position. I have formed an awesome relationship with my boss. We work so well together and I am so grateful for that. She is so understanding and giving. It makes all the driving worth my while.
There are so many other things that I am blessed with as well. This just skims the surface. I just felt like it was a good day to be blessed and thankful. Even though I have had rough patches in my life, I am no different from anyone else. Everyone should find things to be thankful for. Focus on the things you are blessed with. Because I promise, no matter what, it will make it better. It is all a matter of perspective!! Until next time....
Monday, August 27, 2012
Friday, August 24, 2012
Remembering the good ol' days
I have started writing down my life. I have gone back and forth on whether any one is really going to read it though. The only way I am going to find out is to just do it. So, I will keep writing and just see where it goes.
For the most part I have really enjoyed remembering and looking back on my life. There have been some parts that have really hurt and brought many tears, though. There have also been some bittersweet moments. It has really made me miss my grandparents. Thinking back of all the fun I had as a child and everything that they did for me has really made me wish I appreciated them more when they were here.
I have three sets of grandparents. Which always meant three times the Christmas presents!! Of course, my maternal and paternal sets, but I also had step grandparents. My maternal grandparents are the only one still living. As I have began to write things from my childhood, I have come to really appreciate my living ones more. There names are Pappy and Gigi. The grand-kids called them Granny and Granddad, but as the great grandchildren started coming along it changed to Pappy and Gigi. We would go to the college, where he was president and swim in the pool, play basketball and get the coldest Cokes in town out of the little refrigerator in his office. We would go to the student lounge and play pinball or watch TV on that gigantic screen TV set.
My paternal set lived in Covington, TN. We called them Coo Coo and Paw. They bred and showed TN Walking Horses and Jack Russell Terriers. Both of those deaths were especially hard on me. I find myself really missing them lately. I will cook a meal or pack some food up for my dad to take home and think of how proud my grandmother would have been of me. Or I would think that this should be her packing up our huge Sunday meal. I miss the days of sitting in the barn with my aunt while "the men" worked the horses. I miss the days sitting outside of a whelping box while puppies run in an out. I miss sitting on the stool in that huge kitchen watching her make the best food I will ever put in my mouth. I remember begging Paw to let my sister and I go coon hunting one night. We finally talked him into it and maybe lasted 15 minutes after we got into the woods.
My step-dads parents were Nonnie and Guydaddy. We stayed with them a lot when we were younger. (I keep saying we and that means my sister and I!) She was a school teacher and he was a pharmacist that traveled around and destroyed out of date drugs. He would leave on Monday morning and not get back until Friday afternoon. I always looked forward to Friday when he would get home. He would come in and say "Hey Bert!"...that is what he called Nonnie! My sister and I had so much fun at their house, too. We had tons of play dough and dishes. One time we took our radio outside and put in the Vanilla Ice tape and made up a dance to Ice Ice Baby! We practiced it all day long. There were two basset hounds that lived next door that would always be a welcome audience. We raised a chicken there and kept plate fulls of corn worms in the summers. We rode bikes and helped Nonnie plant flowers every spring. After Nonnie retired, I always looked forward to her and Guydaddy picking us up in that big Cadillac on Friday afternoon.
If there is one thing that I can teach my children it would be to appreciate growing up. I always wanted to be older. I couldn't wait to be a teenager, then I couldn't wait to turn 16, after that I couldn't wait to be 18, then 21. I never slowed down enough to appreciate the age that I was. I wish that I would have let go and laughed at Nonnie every time she would pop that plastic silverware bag at the Olympic instead of turning red with embarrassment. I wish that I would have loved those dresses Coo Coo made for me instead of trying to figure out how I could not wear them to school. I wish that I would have pulled Guydaddy's finger every time he told me to instead of running the other way as fast as I could. I wish that I could tell them now how much they meant to me.
I have started writing a letter to my only living set of grandparents. My grandfather has been declining in health over the last year and I know that both of their time here on earth is limited. I want them to know how much I have enjoyed being their granddaughter.
I wish that we would all slow down long enough to really enjoy the little things in life. I wish that my kids would do this as well. I am constantly looking for a way to tell them how to do this so that they will not regret not slowing down and appreciating every little thing when they are older. Until next time....
For the most part I have really enjoyed remembering and looking back on my life. There have been some parts that have really hurt and brought many tears, though. There have also been some bittersweet moments. It has really made me miss my grandparents. Thinking back of all the fun I had as a child and everything that they did for me has really made me wish I appreciated them more when they were here.
I have three sets of grandparents. Which always meant three times the Christmas presents!! Of course, my maternal and paternal sets, but I also had step grandparents. My maternal grandparents are the only one still living. As I have began to write things from my childhood, I have come to really appreciate my living ones more. There names are Pappy and Gigi. The grand-kids called them Granny and Granddad, but as the great grandchildren started coming along it changed to Pappy and Gigi. We would go to the college, where he was president and swim in the pool, play basketball and get the coldest Cokes in town out of the little refrigerator in his office. We would go to the student lounge and play pinball or watch TV on that gigantic screen TV set.
My paternal set lived in Covington, TN. We called them Coo Coo and Paw. They bred and showed TN Walking Horses and Jack Russell Terriers. Both of those deaths were especially hard on me. I find myself really missing them lately. I will cook a meal or pack some food up for my dad to take home and think of how proud my grandmother would have been of me. Or I would think that this should be her packing up our huge Sunday meal. I miss the days of sitting in the barn with my aunt while "the men" worked the horses. I miss the days sitting outside of a whelping box while puppies run in an out. I miss sitting on the stool in that huge kitchen watching her make the best food I will ever put in my mouth. I remember begging Paw to let my sister and I go coon hunting one night. We finally talked him into it and maybe lasted 15 minutes after we got into the woods.
My step-dads parents were Nonnie and Guydaddy. We stayed with them a lot when we were younger. (I keep saying we and that means my sister and I!) She was a school teacher and he was a pharmacist that traveled around and destroyed out of date drugs. He would leave on Monday morning and not get back until Friday afternoon. I always looked forward to Friday when he would get home. He would come in and say "Hey Bert!"...that is what he called Nonnie! My sister and I had so much fun at their house, too. We had tons of play dough and dishes. One time we took our radio outside and put in the Vanilla Ice tape and made up a dance to Ice Ice Baby! We practiced it all day long. There were two basset hounds that lived next door that would always be a welcome audience. We raised a chicken there and kept plate fulls of corn worms in the summers. We rode bikes and helped Nonnie plant flowers every spring. After Nonnie retired, I always looked forward to her and Guydaddy picking us up in that big Cadillac on Friday afternoon.
If there is one thing that I can teach my children it would be to appreciate growing up. I always wanted to be older. I couldn't wait to be a teenager, then I couldn't wait to turn 16, after that I couldn't wait to be 18, then 21. I never slowed down enough to appreciate the age that I was. I wish that I would have let go and laughed at Nonnie every time she would pop that plastic silverware bag at the Olympic instead of turning red with embarrassment. I wish that I would have loved those dresses Coo Coo made for me instead of trying to figure out how I could not wear them to school. I wish that I would have pulled Guydaddy's finger every time he told me to instead of running the other way as fast as I could. I wish that I could tell them now how much they meant to me.
I have started writing a letter to my only living set of grandparents. My grandfather has been declining in health over the last year and I know that both of their time here on earth is limited. I want them to know how much I have enjoyed being their granddaughter.
I wish that we would all slow down long enough to really enjoy the little things in life. I wish that my kids would do this as well. I am constantly looking for a way to tell them how to do this so that they will not regret not slowing down and appreciating every little thing when they are older. Until next time....
Monday, August 20, 2012
A little Q&A
I decided that I would put some questions on here so you can get to know me better. These are just random questions I found on a website. If there is anything in particular you want to ask me, let me know. Or if you would like copy and paste these questions into the comment box and answer them so I can get to know you better as well!
What’s the #1 most played song on your iPod? Pride and Joy by Stevie Ray Vaughn
What is one of your favorite quotes? "Be who you are and say what you feel because those that matter don't mind and those that mind, don't matter" - Dr. Seuss
What’s your favorite indoor/outdoor activity? Favorite indoor activity would be crafts. Outdoor would be fishing.
What chore do you absolutely hate doing? All of them!! Luckily I have an amazing husband so we share the duties. We go through times where I don't feel like doing laundry so he will do it and I will do dishes or vice versa. We really complement each other in many ways.
What is your favorite form of exercise? I love to walk and do 5k's. I really got into it about 3 years ago and then quit when I started working. I wish that I could make myself get back into it because it truly is relaxing and I feel so much better mentally and physically.
What is your favorite time of day/day of the week/month of the year? Evening is my favorite time of the day. Friday is my favorite day of the week. December is my favorite month of the year. And it didn't ask, but Fall is my favorite season.
What’s your least favorite mode of transportation? I don't know that I have a least favorite mode of transportation. I enjoy traveling and I wish that I had the funds to do more of it.
What is your favorite body part? My favorite body part on me is my eyes.
What sound do you love? To hear my boys laughing. It always makes me laugh no matter what kind of mood I am in! I also love the sound of the rain on my metal roof.
If you could throw any kind of party, what would it be like and what would it be for? I would throw my boys a birthday party like they have always wanted. They have always asked for big parties with different characters and I do the best I can, but I would love to see their faces if I did a huge one like I have in my mind.
If you could paint a picture of any scenery you’ve seen before, what would you paint? I saw my sister's pictures of when she went to Ireland. There were some she took of the Giant's Causeway. They are absolutely stunning.
If you could choose to stay a certain age forever, what age would it be? 30! It is old enough to have some wisdom and young enough to still enjoy some youth.
If you knew the world was ending in 2012, what would you do differently? Travel. I want to take my kids to see Disneyland. I want to visit my sister more.
If you could choose anyone, who would you pick as your mentor? There are a couple of women at church that come to mind. Also, my boss.
If you could witness any event past, present or future, what would it be? That is a hard one....one of my favorite things that I have witnessed was my husband being baptized. I guess I would have to say that I would want to witness my sister's wedding!!
If you could learn to do anything, what would it be? Knit!! I can crochet fairly well, but can not get the hang of knitting.
If you had to work on only one project for the next year, what would it be? Homemade Christmas presents for everyone I know.
If you had to change your first name, what would you change it to? When I was younger I hated my name. Who in the world was named Jan!?! But, now I like it so I wouldn't want to change it!
If you could meet anyone, living or dead, who would you meet? My sister's spousal equivalent's family! I have heard about them for years and also communicate with them through social media, but it would be an honor to meet them in person.
If you won the lottery, what is the first thing you would do? Find a new place to live until Greg and I could buy our dream home.
If you could know the answer to any question, besides “What is the meaning of life?”, what would it be? Why my daughter had to die.
If you could be any fictional character, who would you choose? Ariel, The Little Mermaid. I would be a princess and get to be at the beach all the time!
Who was your favorite celebrity as a child? The cast of Saved by the Bell. Strawberry Shortcake.
What type of pets do you have? We have four dogs. Cassie, age 10, Chocolate Lab. Dudley, age 9, Black Lab/Sheltie mix. Brownie, age 7, Chihuahua mix. Lulu, age 8 months, Jack Russell Terrier/Australian Shepard mix.
What is your favorite color? Orange!!
What is most memorable about your high school years? Being in the marching band. Football games and competitions on the weekend. I loved every minute of anything we had to do for marching band. Even the sweltering band camps on the black top!
What word describes you best? Positive!
What is your greatest accomplishment? My children
What drives you every day? I want to succeed in everything that I do and I want to do it to the best of my ability. Fear of failing drives me a lot and also being the person I want my kids to admire drives me.
What is your favorite food? Steak!! It has to be served with cheesy potatoes of some kind, sauteed mushrooms and garlic bread.
Where do you want to retire? In a place that stays relatively cool all year long. I hate the heat!!
What is your business goal this year? To help the D.O. that I assist get the clinics that we cover growing in numbers and quality.
Where do you like to vacation? At the beach!!!!!
What is your mission? To help other people in any way that I can.
If you were invisible, where would you go? To the school so I could see my kids in their classroom!
What traits in others are you attracted to? I enjoy being around people that are down to earth, funny, and open minded.
How do you want to be remembered? For being a good wife and mother. I want people to really know how much I enjoyed helping other people when and where ever I could.
You have a 10 minute speech to give at a high school, what is it about? Please listen to your parents. They really do know what they are talking about and life is so much easier if you listen to what others are trying to tell you and help you with instead of doing the wrong thing and learning the hard way. Stay in school and go ahead and get your education out of the way. Get married and have kids in that order. Enjoy every little moment you can. You will regret it when you get older if you don't.
I think that is enough questions for right now. Probably too many to be honest, but I enjoy doing them and I hope that you enjoy reading them. I also wish that some of you would take some of the questions and answer them in the comments section. Until next time...
What’s the #1 most played song on your iPod? Pride and Joy by Stevie Ray Vaughn
What is one of your favorite quotes? "Be who you are and say what you feel because those that matter don't mind and those that mind, don't matter" - Dr. Seuss
What’s your favorite indoor/outdoor activity? Favorite indoor activity would be crafts. Outdoor would be fishing.
What chore do you absolutely hate doing? All of them!! Luckily I have an amazing husband so we share the duties. We go through times where I don't feel like doing laundry so he will do it and I will do dishes or vice versa. We really complement each other in many ways.
What is your favorite form of exercise? I love to walk and do 5k's. I really got into it about 3 years ago and then quit when I started working. I wish that I could make myself get back into it because it truly is relaxing and I feel so much better mentally and physically.
What is your favorite time of day/day of the week/month of the year? Evening is my favorite time of the day. Friday is my favorite day of the week. December is my favorite month of the year. And it didn't ask, but Fall is my favorite season.
What’s your least favorite mode of transportation? I don't know that I have a least favorite mode of transportation. I enjoy traveling and I wish that I had the funds to do more of it.
What is your favorite body part? My favorite body part on me is my eyes.
What sound do you love? To hear my boys laughing. It always makes me laugh no matter what kind of mood I am in! I also love the sound of the rain on my metal roof.
If you could throw any kind of party, what would it be like and what would it be for? I would throw my boys a birthday party like they have always wanted. They have always asked for big parties with different characters and I do the best I can, but I would love to see their faces if I did a huge one like I have in my mind.
If you could paint a picture of any scenery you’ve seen before, what would you paint? I saw my sister's pictures of when she went to Ireland. There were some she took of the Giant's Causeway. They are absolutely stunning.
If you could choose to stay a certain age forever, what age would it be? 30! It is old enough to have some wisdom and young enough to still enjoy some youth.
If you knew the world was ending in 2012, what would you do differently? Travel. I want to take my kids to see Disneyland. I want to visit my sister more.
If you could choose anyone, who would you pick as your mentor? There are a couple of women at church that come to mind. Also, my boss.
If you could witness any event past, present or future, what would it be? That is a hard one....one of my favorite things that I have witnessed was my husband being baptized. I guess I would have to say that I would want to witness my sister's wedding!!
If you could learn to do anything, what would it be? Knit!! I can crochet fairly well, but can not get the hang of knitting.
If you had to work on only one project for the next year, what would it be? Homemade Christmas presents for everyone I know.
If you had to change your first name, what would you change it to? When I was younger I hated my name. Who in the world was named Jan!?! But, now I like it so I wouldn't want to change it!
If you could meet anyone, living or dead, who would you meet? My sister's spousal equivalent's family! I have heard about them for years and also communicate with them through social media, but it would be an honor to meet them in person.
If you won the lottery, what is the first thing you would do? Find a new place to live until Greg and I could buy our dream home.
If you could know the answer to any question, besides “What is the meaning of life?”, what would it be? Why my daughter had to die.
If you could be any fictional character, who would you choose? Ariel, The Little Mermaid. I would be a princess and get to be at the beach all the time!
Who was your favorite celebrity as a child? The cast of Saved by the Bell. Strawberry Shortcake.
What type of pets do you have? We have four dogs. Cassie, age 10, Chocolate Lab. Dudley, age 9, Black Lab/Sheltie mix. Brownie, age 7, Chihuahua mix. Lulu, age 8 months, Jack Russell Terrier/Australian Shepard mix.
What is your favorite color? Orange!!
What is most memorable about your high school years? Being in the marching band. Football games and competitions on the weekend. I loved every minute of anything we had to do for marching band. Even the sweltering band camps on the black top!
What word describes you best? Positive!
What is your greatest accomplishment? My children
What drives you every day? I want to succeed in everything that I do and I want to do it to the best of my ability. Fear of failing drives me a lot and also being the person I want my kids to admire drives me.
What is your favorite food? Steak!! It has to be served with cheesy potatoes of some kind, sauteed mushrooms and garlic bread.
Where do you want to retire? In a place that stays relatively cool all year long. I hate the heat!!
What is your business goal this year? To help the D.O. that I assist get the clinics that we cover growing in numbers and quality.
Where do you like to vacation? At the beach!!!!!
What is your mission? To help other people in any way that I can.
If you were invisible, where would you go? To the school so I could see my kids in their classroom!
What traits in others are you attracted to? I enjoy being around people that are down to earth, funny, and open minded.
How do you want to be remembered? For being a good wife and mother. I want people to really know how much I enjoyed helping other people when and where ever I could.
You have a 10 minute speech to give at a high school, what is it about? Please listen to your parents. They really do know what they are talking about and life is so much easier if you listen to what others are trying to tell you and help you with instead of doing the wrong thing and learning the hard way. Stay in school and go ahead and get your education out of the way. Get married and have kids in that order. Enjoy every little moment you can. You will regret it when you get older if you don't.
I think that is enough questions for right now. Probably too many to be honest, but I enjoy doing them and I hope that you enjoy reading them. I also wish that some of you would take some of the questions and answer them in the comments section. Until next time...
Saturday, August 18, 2012
What is the purpose?
I don't really have a purpose to this. When I signed up for the blog, it was going to be an outline or rough draft type thing for a book that I want to write. After talking to my sister, I decided not to go that route. She is right...who would want to pay for a book when you can read it for free in my blog? So, I copied and pasted it to a Word document and decided to just to do random life things on here and see where it goes. I really just want to know if people will find this blog and find it interesting!
As of right now, I am recovering from my third kidney stone surgery since the first of July. All three surgeries have been with the scope and stent. The first one was on my left side. A stone had gotten embedded in my ureter. During a cat scan I had for that one, a mass was found on my adrenal gland. It was 3 cm in size. From my understanding it isn't considered malignant until is is 4 cm or greater. My doc is running some test to see if it is functioning. In the mean time, I started having pain on my right side. I went to the ER and sure enough...another kidney stone passing. This one was 15 mm!!! My doctor believes that it was two stuck together. From my view is that no matter how it got that big...it HURTS!!! Another thing not in my favor was that none of the stones were showing up on X-ray so my urologist couldn't do Lithotripsy. So I had another surgery with the scope and a stent was left. I went back in five days to get that stent out. After about five days I was still having pain. I kept hoping it would just go away, but it was just getting worse. So, I called the doctor and had another cat scan. Again, I had a stone in my right ureter. So, I had surgery again yesterday with the scope and a stent was left. I can take it out Tuesday. Whew!! Luckily the urologist said there was only a couple of stones left and they were the size of a BB.
A good thing that came out of all this was that I was able to be home when the kids started school. Cameron started fourth grade and my baby boy Austin started Pre-K. Abby would have been in the first grade this year.... Austin is getting staggered in so he has only gone two days in the last two weeks. He will go again Monday and then starting Wednesday he will go everyday. He seems to really like it!! They both ride the bus to the daycare after school. It is still very early in the year, but so far everything is going well.
I hope that after I get back to work full time...I have been off since July 6. I went back last Monday and worked through Wednesday, the day I went to the doc and found out I had another stone. I hope that I will make myself sit down and take the time to write on here. I have had a blog before but I was posting daily meditations for a small group of online friends I had made through the message boards on Oprah.com. The Oprah people changed a lot of the rules for the boards and it was no longer a place I felt like we could have honest discussions about things without our posts being deleted by the moderators. So, I just started a blog where we could go chat, but it didn't last long.
If you have made it this far, thank you for taking the time to read this. I hope that you bookmark my blog and make it a part of your blog reading! I will do my best to keep it updated and interesting. Until next time...
As of right now, I am recovering from my third kidney stone surgery since the first of July. All three surgeries have been with the scope and stent. The first one was on my left side. A stone had gotten embedded in my ureter. During a cat scan I had for that one, a mass was found on my adrenal gland. It was 3 cm in size. From my understanding it isn't considered malignant until is is 4 cm or greater. My doc is running some test to see if it is functioning. In the mean time, I started having pain on my right side. I went to the ER and sure enough...another kidney stone passing. This one was 15 mm!!! My doctor believes that it was two stuck together. From my view is that no matter how it got that big...it HURTS!!! Another thing not in my favor was that none of the stones were showing up on X-ray so my urologist couldn't do Lithotripsy. So I had another surgery with the scope and a stent was left. I went back in five days to get that stent out. After about five days I was still having pain. I kept hoping it would just go away, but it was just getting worse. So, I called the doctor and had another cat scan. Again, I had a stone in my right ureter. So, I had surgery again yesterday with the scope and a stent was left. I can take it out Tuesday. Whew!! Luckily the urologist said there was only a couple of stones left and they were the size of a BB.
A good thing that came out of all this was that I was able to be home when the kids started school. Cameron started fourth grade and my baby boy Austin started Pre-K. Abby would have been in the first grade this year.... Austin is getting staggered in so he has only gone two days in the last two weeks. He will go again Monday and then starting Wednesday he will go everyday. He seems to really like it!! They both ride the bus to the daycare after school. It is still very early in the year, but so far everything is going well.
I hope that after I get back to work full time...I have been off since July 6. I went back last Monday and worked through Wednesday, the day I went to the doc and found out I had another stone. I hope that I will make myself sit down and take the time to write on here. I have had a blog before but I was posting daily meditations for a small group of online friends I had made through the message boards on Oprah.com. The Oprah people changed a lot of the rules for the boards and it was no longer a place I felt like we could have honest discussions about things without our posts being deleted by the moderators. So, I just started a blog where we could go chat, but it didn't last long.
If you have made it this far, thank you for taking the time to read this. I hope that you bookmark my blog and make it a part of your blog reading! I will do my best to keep it updated and interesting. Until next time...
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